Last week I had someone come out to the house to give me a quote for a project. He clearly came to negotiate, a tactic I am not very well versed in. When he gave me his price, he leaned back, ready for the negotiation to begin…and I totally wussed out.
I couldn’t tell him what I had in mind. I was afraid that I’d be laughed at, dismissed, and even possibly be seen as disrespectful. I simply thanked him for his offer and told him I’d let him know. I walked back into my house embarrassed and disappointed in myself. Why couldn’t I tell him the truth? Why couldn’t I be brave, and be honest? It may have been uncomfortable for two minutes, but the job would have been done, and now I’ll be tormenting myself with how the conversation could have gone, indefinitely.
The fear of judgment is real. The one thing we all need to feel happy, is to feel connected to other people. So when our words or actions risk separating us, we panic...we freeze, we lie, and we hide. What we don’t realize in the moment is that those things separate us too. Being our selves, speaking our truth, and allowing those who love it to love us - and those who don’t to leave, is the ultimate act of surrender. It’s the ultimate act of accepting who we are and our place in the Divine web of life.
The truth is, we end up spending WAY MORE time and energy re-playing these conversations in our head and imagining how differently things could have gone, than it would have cost us to SPEAK UP. A few minutes of discomfort can save hours of wondering and wishing.
That afternoon I allowed my shame to be my teacher. I committed myself to choosing honesty and courage over fear. I committed myself to seeing these moments as an invitation to practice speaking my truth, and allowing myself to be seen. I committed to risking judgment for the possibility of success. I committed to trading fear of others, for devotion to myself.
This week I invite you to join me on this journey. Maybe you’re a pro at speaking your truth; maybe you’ve been hiding your truth for years. In any case, I invite you to embrace the opportunities given to you this week to speak up. When you start to feel that sense of discomfort, remember this invitation and say what’s on your heart. Let’s choose courage, together.
Wishing you a wonderful week. With love and gratitude, Robin