Last year I attended a painting workshop as part of a social event for a convention I was attending.
All around the room were samples of the various paintings that had been taught. On the evening I was attending, we were painting a trio of cacti (we were in Arizona, after all).
Across the room from me I noticed a painting of a gorgeous full moon. It nearly took up the entire canvas, and had this beautiful night sky behind it. After seeing it I just couldn’t get excited about the cacti we were about to paint...
At the beginning of the class the teacher mentioned that if we wanted to diverge from her instruction, we were free to do so.
I felt this very familiar tug in my heart – one that I have ignored for most of my life...
My logical mind told me to just play along, be a good girl, and do what we came there to do – paint the same thing as everyone else, drink some wine, and have fun.
But there was this calling inside of me – to be true to myself. I was not going to love the bright yellow and pink background with three green cacti on it. I’d be doing what I was supposed to do. But I wouldn’t feel good about it. What I really wanted, was to pain that moon.
Now, it’s worth noting that I’ve never considered myself an artist – if you’ve ever been so disadvantaged as to have me on your Pictionary team – I am sorry.
So, the idea of diverging from the class to create something I’d never attempted before seemed ludicrous.
But I knew that if I ignored my inner calling, I’d be disappointed in my painting, and in myself…
As everyone began painting their golden skies – I painted mine in deep purple. As everyone tackled their cacti, I went to work on my moon...
About half way through the class everyone took a break to let the layers dry, and drink more wine.
As they chatted, they meandered through the paintings admiring everyone’s work. When they got to mine, they stopped in shock. This was NOT what we were told to do…but it was beautiful.
I noticed the sideways glances from some of the women. I could feel their judgments of me, and then of themselves.
I watched them look around the room at all the samples, wondering what they would have really wanted to paint themselves.
I often talk about confidence as the trust and loyalty to oneself.
This was one of those epic moments where I actually listened to my inner guidance, trusted it, and chose loyalty to myself over fitting it. The reward, was confidence.
I was SO PROUD of my painting, of my courage, and of my devotion to myself; I walked around like a proud peacock for the rest of the day.
I let this experience infuse my life since then, and be a reminder of how great it feels to choose yourself over fitting in, to choose yourself over fear of judgement, to choose yourself.
Before you go about your day today, I encourage you to take a few deep breaths – listen to the sound of your breath, feel your heartbeat, connect with yourself.
Make a commitment to yourself to listen to your inner knowing today, and not abandon it for a more logical route, or to appeal to or please other people.
When you encounter those moments where your heart and your head are in a tug of war – choose your heart. Trust yourself. And notice what it does for your confidence.
Enjoy your proud peacock moment, you deserve it. 😉 😘
Wishing you a wonderful week.
With love and gratitude,